Hi. I dedicated myself to blogging three years ago and then completely abandoned it. I thought this moment, while I am about to lose it in the automotive store, is the most appropriate time to start rebuilding it. It's called "peace of print" because it calms me down to write. It also rhymes with a naughty phrase that I find funny. Some people might also read this and think, "man, that is really is a piece of...XYZ". So why am I writing right now? The truth is, I have no idea. I know I am tired, overwhelmed, a little sad, a little anxious. While I was sitting here, about to fall apart anyway, I heard a song that reminds me of my niece on Pandora (perhaps covered in a later blog). Tears are welling in my eyes. These people probably think I am nuts. All I know is that I really don't care, because I feel like EVERY. LITTLE. THING is hanging on by a thread. My husband is gone for the month, my Friday daycare provider just quit again, and my son Rex is feeling sad and out of sorts because he is two and a half and he doesn't understand any of this. Oh, and also I had this crazy notion that I was pregnant, and five negative tests later, I think I'm finally convinced it's not happening. And that is getting me down too. How on Earth did I get here? I held on to this notion for so many years that adulthood was control and stability (I am a Christian, and with such beliefs, you would think I would have tried to give up control years ago). The control is a separate battle in itself. I have had a a stable combo of OCD and generalized anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember. I thought I had the maturity and the faith to overcome it, but I often times find myself reverting in the face of crisis. We are a military family. It is a unique lifestyle with its own set of benefits and challenges. The challenge right now is two-fold: 1. My husband is currently away for the month. 2. They are getting rid of his helicopter, and he won't have a job in, oh, about 2 years. A little hazy on the details still. He is our primary source of income, as I am a full-time graduate student, getting my MPH in December. Will I get a job and take the lead? Will he go back to school? Will he want to find a way to stay in? Will we stay in our home? Will we continue to move around and be separated for the rest of our lives? So many unknowns. Way too many unknowns for a planner with anxiety. That word anxiety. It makes me so angry. It is a defect I have tried to overcome for so many years now. It is literally swallowing me whole in this moment. I have prayed so many times. And today I just want to let the waves wash over me. I. Am. So. Tired. I want you to know that I am typically a person of gratitude. I am completely disgusted with my attitude today, but I just need this moment to feel incredibly sorry for myself. I will sweep up the pieces tomorrow. Usually I can find the humor in the fact that I am wearing lace leggings from the 1980s because nothing else was clean. Usually I can find the humor in the fact that the pile of dog turds hit the fan all at the same time today. It's a magical poop storm. But my 6 year anniversary is in about a week, and I think I have spent a total of 3 of those actually near my husband, and I am perseverating over how incredibly unfair this seems. I know I am choosing this, and it is an incredibly sad introduction to my life. But, my life is real, and sometimes my feelings get real too. So, if you don't want to read about real feelings and real humor, this is not the blog for you. If you stick around, you are sure to hear another side, about my life with a husband, son, and dog. You are sure to hear about successes and failures in the kitchen, my obsession with cleanliness and organization, my love of public health, decorating, revamping, and junk shopping, my little blue home, my struggles, my fears, my relationships, my little bits of wisdom, and lord only knows what else. Usually the solution to all of this ranting and raving is a cherry limeade from Sonic happy hour and a stroll around Target. But, seriously, you should commit to listening to some of this insanity. It won't be dull, I just know it.